These are challenges you will experience when you are in serious relationship, and how to avoid it

 Before getting married to your soul mate or missing rib as some people call it, there are different phases you will go through while in the relationship before finally landing in the final stage which is 'marriage'.

The stages are:

1. Merge

2. Doubt and denial

3. Disillusionment

4. The decision 

5. Wholehearted love

1. Merge

Also known as the 'honeymoon stage' is the stage where couples usually feel like they have found their 'perfect match' by that I mean they feel like they have found someone who completes them, who has similar characteristics with them, who they think are compatible with them.

This lovey-dovey stage is usually controlled by biochemical changes and hormones in the brain which include dopamine, oxytocin, and endorphins. This stage often makes couples ignore the red flags and have the misconception 'they are gonna change sometime soon', incompatibilities etc.

Possible solution

In this stage, it is advisable to take a backward step and ask yourself some questions concerning your emotions and relationship. Try not to make a permanent decision because of a temporary feeling you are having. Seek advice from credible people who have gone past this stage. Remember at this stage your emotions are heightened thereby blocking you from observing those red flags on time. At this stage, it seems you have a fog in your eyes that blocks you from seeing the reality of things so be very wise.

 2. Doubt and Denial

 this stage, you begin to notice that those little details about your partners you saw as perfection begins to annoy you.

You begin to doubt if this was the person that you fell in love with and saw as perfect.

You begin to notice the differences between you and your partner and how incompatible you both are. Sometimes, you have some thoughts of regrets and may think of backing out. Those good morning and good night text messages you were always waiting for suddenly become irritating to you. The struggle for power between you both becomes so real that you begin to have some feeling of denial in the process.

Possible Solution

It is very advisable to efficiently know the skills of conflict management and relationship problems. Also, use this stage to learn and study your love languages, every relationship has their different love languages. Differentiate between unhealthy control issues and healthy disagreements

3. Disillusionment

This stage feels like the 'dead end' for some couples. The power struggle becomes real and those things they shoved under the carpet becomes glaring and very lucid. They begin to feel insecure and are more vigilant. They are ready to go to the battlefield at the slightest provocation. Some couples quietly move apart, put less energy into the relationship and prefer investing outside of it. The letter 'I' is used more frequently than the 'We' that always prevailed.

Possible solution

At this stage, it is advisable to clear the air as much as possible and Create space. This is the stage where dialogue is very much permitted to come in to the picture. Try as much as possible not to shove things under the carpet.

At this stage, the brain only notices the 'negatives' and not the 'positives' as was in the merge stage. Try offsetting this process with a practice of gratitude. You will be glad you did.

4. Decision

This stage is known as the 'breaking point'.

Emotional breakdowns, leaving the house for hours just to prevent you from seeing one another is very common and most likely to occur. You begin contemplating leaving and exiting or staying in the relationship and doing nothing despite how miserable it is.

Thoughts of starting a fresh new enticing relationship begin to pop into your head.

The 'I don't care' attitude begins to be the order for the day. Statements like 'Okay, fine! Do whatever you like' are frequently said. 

Possible Solution

It is very much advisable to take a new path. Learn new communication skills. Do some work in the relationship like knowing your own role in the relationship's deterioration and seeking ways to address it.

5. Wholehearted Love

In this stage, couples experience true individuation, self-discovery, and the acceptance of imperfection in both themselves and their partners, recognizing there is no such thing as a "perfect match."

In this stage, a lot if hard work is involved and the difference is that couples know how to listen well and lean into uncomfortable conversations without feeling threatened or attacking one another. They can laugh, relax, and deeply enjoy each other. They even can experience some of the thrilling passion, joys, and sex of the Merge stage as each person rediscovers themselves in ways that let them fall in love with each other all over again.

In this stage, there is generosity, humor, flexibility, resilience, good boundaries, self-care, and a life with meaning and purpose. Couples are able to stay in this stage as long as they're able to continually sustain their own wholeness as individuals, so make self-care and self-growth continual goals.